Tuesday With Teri

          Yep, 28 years ago on 8/4/84 family and friends joined us as we committed to one another for the rest of our lives.  Sheesh, WHAT were we thinking?!!!  We were young (19yrs old, we would both turn 20 the following month) and we were in love.   There was no way we could have fathomed all the nooks and crannies of life’s journey.  I suppose it was enough that we determined to walk it together no matter what came along, no matter the circumstances.

          As one should with anniversaries, I have been thinking a lot about this special date in my life and the man with whom God, in His amazing grace to me, placed in my life.  It is not enough to say I have been blessed. 

          I suppose good scripture reference for this day would be  1Corinthians 13:4-8….Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account wrong suffered….love bars all things, believes all things, endures all things, love never fails…  These words are a perfect template for living out a love for someone else, but I cannot help thinking of a different scripture reference.

         Scott and I have a scripture we have shared over these years.  It was one my mom instilled in me and continues to be a source of encouragement as well as an ongoing battle in my heart.   It is Philippians 4:6&7  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

          These words remind me that peace is NOT circumstantial.  The peace of God, the kind that is difficult to comprehend, the kind that protects your heart and mind, DOES NOT require life to be perfect.  God’s peace is something that He places within us even when things around us are less than peaceful.  My peace does not rely on my circumstances.

          Happiness is based on circumstances.  When things are good, we are happy.  When things are bad, we are unhappy.   I think the world sells us the lie that LOVE is also rooted in circumstance.  We “love” someone because of things such as personality, looks, compatibility, family, life style, and beliefs.  These are all important to our relationships, but they are simply circumstances in life.  If our love is based on them, what happens when they change?   

          Let’s say you cooked dinner for me every night for a year, and each meal was one of my favorites.  I would enthusiastically tell you, and everyone else, I LOVED your cooking and I would be telling the truth.  I would mean it with all my heart.  Eventually, and possibly inevitably, you would prepare a meal containing chopped liver.  No offense to liver loving people around the world, but that would be disastrous for me.  Your intensions for our dining experience would not matter.  This would change everything.  My choices would be to pretend I liked it and suffer through, chew it in your presence but spit it into a napkin when you were not looking, or walk away from the table angry, hurt or disappointed you served such a thing to me.  I would no longer love your cooking.  My relationship with your cooking was simply circumstantial.

        I think love, like peace, is not dependant on our circumstances.  Love is God given.  The love I have for my husband cannot be based on circumstances, ever.   Circumstances change, love cannot.  Oh, we have been happy, BUT we have also known unhappiness.  We have seen tremendous change.   We married young and still had lots of growing up to do.  Neither of us is the same person we were when we married.  There have been physical changes, emotional changes, variations to our beliefs and even changes in our life styles over the years.  If our love depended on all these things working perfectly together, we would not be where we are today.

          Society encourages relationships to wait for perfect circumstances, to fear the impact of changing circumstances, attempt to avoid conflicts and to assume the difficulty of these things means the relationship is not of value or has run its course.  If we have mistaken happiness for love, then this is true…but that is not true love.  True love is not bound by circumstance and like the peace mentioned in Philippians 4:6&7, it comes from God, surpasses our ability to comprehend, and guards our hearts.

         I am thankful to God for Scott.  I am thankful for all he has been to me over these years …he has been my champion, my challenger, my partner, my anchor and my inspiration.   I am thankful for the adventures and even the challenges we have met together.   Today especially, I am mindful and thankful that I have known a love that sees beyond imperfection and remains unchanged in changing times. 

Happy Anniversary Scott! 

Thank you for loving me regardless of circumstances and with a love that is beyond my comprehension.

          We just had a nice stone patio, complete with stone fire pit, added to our home.  The other night our son and a few of his friends were gathering for the maiden voyage of the fire pit. 

         Scott and I were in the house watching television, contently thinking how nice it was to have Steven’s friends over.   What happened next rocked my world, literally.   BoooooooM!  We rushed out to our back deck and looked down to the patio. 

          The patio and surrounding lawn area were covered in what looked like glowing rubies.  Red hot embers littered the ground.   If it were not so terrifying it would have been beautiful.  The fire in the pit was extinguished and a tower of smoke snaked upwards, lit only by the remaining shards of logs as they radiated neon red heat.  Once the vision made it to our brains we scrambled to comprehend what occurred, “What happened!?” and “Is everyone okay?!” 

          We grabbed fire extinguishers and joined the stunned group on the patio.  Quick assessments were made of everyone…astonishingly no one was hurt badly.  A few had small burns or scratches from flying concrete and firewood, no doubt all of them will carry emotional scars from such an unexpected and frightening event. 

          Apparently as they had just settled around the pit, and were close enough to warm their hands by the fire, without warning they felt, saw and experienced a large explosion.  The percussive force blew them back a bit and it is by God’s mercy and grace that none of them were seriously harmed.  Chunks of concrete, which formed the base of the fire pit, flew in every direction.  The once burning logs were propelled upwards and shattered into large embers before settling to the ground around the pit and patio. 

           Though Steven and his friends were considerably shook up, it could have been much, much worse.  We walked among the aftermath thanking God for His protection and looking for clues as to what caused the explosion.  Our amateur sleuthing formed a conclusion which would later be supported by our contractor and various other professionals. 

            Unlike most fire pits, ours had been built with a concrete flooring and drain.  Apparently the heat from the burning logs had cause a buildup of pressure below the concrete layer.  There was no way to tell what actually caused the pressure below the concrete slab, but the most likely culprit was trapped water or moisture.  Normally any expansion of gases or steam would vent through gravel grating.  Our fire pit base had no ventilation points.

          The events of that night continue to play through my mind when I try to sleep.  It is both comforting to realize God’s provision on that night, and yet disturbingly clear how out of my control life can be.

          The fire pit looked great.  It looked solid and strong.  The foundation of the pit gave no hint of hidden danger. It looked like it could handle the heat.  But looks were deceiving. 

          Oh, the pit was strong.  Matter of fact when all was said and done the walls of the pit and patio remained unmoved.  It was the FOUNDATION that mattered, and it mattered a lot!

          We can be like this pit.  We sometimes present a strong outer image.  We look like we can handle the demands of the world or hold fast under pressure.  We diligently try to build our lives with good deeds and works, but neglect our personal relationship with our savior.  But when we are tested, put under fire, it will be our foundation, and not the things we surround ourselves with, that will determine our ability to stand.

          Just as I will diligently check the foundation of the fire pit in the future and always consider if it is able to sustain the heat and flame before EVER trusting it to do so…I will also need to check my spiritual foundation. 

1Cor. 3:10-13  “…I laid a foundation and another is building upon it.  But let each man be careful how he builds upon it.  For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which was laid, which is Jesus Christ.  Now if any man builds upon the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay or straw, each man’s work will become evident; ….because it is to be revealed with fire; and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work.”

          When our son Steven was only a toddler he had a fascination with outlets.   Although we had them covered with safety plugs we still did not want him to touching them.    Since not all the outlets in his life would be protected, we wanted to instill a fear of touching them into him.  I have a very vivid memory of one particular day when Steven would test me and ultimately teach me a life lesson.

         He always looked so innocent, big brown eyes like puddles of mud and bright blonde hair that practically glowed.  I watched him as he crawled over to the outlet in our living room. 

           As his pudgy little fingers rose to touch the forbidden outlet I  pounced upon him with a stern, “no no Steven”.   He looked at me with a kind of bemused smile and slowly raised his hand back to the outlet once more.   Again I uttered the words, “no no Steven!”  this time using as gruff a tone as possible.  He was startled into submission for an entire two seconds before he once agin lifted his fingers toward the outlet.  As if my sweet little baby boy could comprehend my words I proclaimed, “Oh, it’s on little man!”

           I knew I had a few options in this battle over the outlet.

           Option one was not really an option as it involved letting him “learn the hard way” and allowing him to  touch the unprotected outlet.  While some may argue that he would probably only make that mistake once, I would not risk him incurring a permanent negative consequence to his choice to touch it. Option two was probably the most parent friendly of the three and involved simply redirecting his attention to something else and removing him from the source of danger.   Option three involved giving Steven a quick, consistent consequence for choosing to touch the outlet.   If he associated touching the outlet with a negative result, surely he would no longer seek to touch it!

            Option three would require time and patience, but I assumed the resulting lesson learned would be worth my effort so I went with this option. I settled onto the floor beside the outlet and waited for his next attempt.  I did not need to wait long.  As his hand approached the outlet I took it in my own and administered a tiny slap and repeated, “no touch Steven ”.  He looked at his hand, then at me, then at the outlet….there was only a slight bewildered pause before he tried to touch the outlet right then and there again.  Each time he tried to touch the outlet I gave his hand a tiny slap and scolded him.  Each time he looked up at me both hurt and confused just seconds before reaching for the outlet.  I thought for sure I could outlast him in this battle over the outlet, but he was tireless in his determination to touch it. 

          At first I started counting the number of times he would try, and then I lost count.  It amazed me how he could keep doing the same thing even when the result of his effort was negative.  He kept doing the same thing over and over fully expecting a different result.  Eventually I gave up and turned his attention away from the temptation and toward something safer to play.

         Over 20 years later that day is still etched n my mind.  First because it was an accurate indicator of the strong will we would struggle against later in his life, but mostly because the sin nature we all strive with was never more clearly portrayed to me than on that day.

         I think I am not alone in that there are many things I continue to do the same way, truly expecting different results.  Is God in heaven wondering, as I did for Steven, “Is she ever going to figure out that is not good for her?”

         Over and over again I attempt to “handle” situations and temptations on my own.  Over and over again I make the same choices expecting different outcomes. 

         Steven’s victory over the temptation of touching the outlet involved turning him away from the temptation.  The word “repent” is associated with turning away from something bad and turning toward something good.

          Let that be our challenge today, to turn from something not good and toward something pleasing to God…and most of all remember that Jesus said Himself…. “with men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

          I talk to TVs.  There, I said it.  I am not ashamed to admit to the world that I am that person in the room who feels compelled to talk back to the television characters. It is just too difficult to sit there and not state the obvious.   Perhaps the most difficult time I have is when I am watching a scary scene unfold.

          Why is it that when the victim enters the darkened room they never notice the “bad guy” lurking behind them?  Why does it take so long for the heroine to realize she needs to scream for help…doesn’t she notice there is danger right around the corner? Of course not, that is why I need to tell them, so I shout… “Look behind you dummy!!!!!”, “Turn around!”, or “Don’t open that door!!!”, and my favorite, “There’s a shark fin!  Swim for your life!”

          So often the predicament these characters get into are the result of them not being aware of their dire circumstances.  It may look obvious to others, but they refuse to see the eminent harm no matter how loudly I shout at them.  They need to be rescued, helped, or saved and yet they have no idea of such a need until it is too late.

          I think it is just as easy for us to become unaware of our spiritual need to be rescued, helped or saved.

          I had a dear friend who had a challenging life.  She had fallen into a dark and dangerous lifestyle before she discovered Jesus.  She learned of a God who loved her no matter what and desired to give her forgiveness for her sins.  She knew she did not deserve His love or forgiveness, but she asked God to forgive her through His son Jesus Christ.  She never stopped being aware of how much grace she was given, or how much she continued to need it.  She exuded a constant love for our Lord.   

          Her sins were no greater than my own.  The world might judge our lives differently, but to a Holy God, “sin” is anything that separates us from Him….and in that, all sins are equal and all need equal forgiveness and grace.  Sadly I forget at times just how forgiven I am and the great amount of grace bestowed on me each day.  I needed saving from my sins.  I needed to be rescued and I need His help in all things.

          In Luke 8:37-38 we read the account of a woman who truly understood her need.  No one had to shout to her and alert her to her need to be saved or rescued.  NO one else needed to convince, or convict her of her need…she already understood.

“And behold there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He(Jesus) was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet, and anointing them with perfume.”

          Stop and try to picture this carefully….in the image you have of this event, how long is this woman’s hair?  I have had long hair before, but even when I picture this woman with luxuriously long tresses, the reality is that in order for her to wipe the feet of Jesus with the “hair of her head” she would have to have her face disturbingly close to the feet as well.  Our Christ did not wear closed toed shoes, nor was He a regular partaker in pedicures.  No doubt the last place you would want to put your face was near anyone’s feet at that time.   

          I encourage you to close your eyes and picture this moment once more.  This time notice a broken hearted woman, lowering herself as low as she possibly can while drawing as close as she could to the one she knew could save her….the weight of her sins pressing down on her and a torrent of unstoppable tears of grief pouring forth. …surely our Christ could feel her breath on his feet as she feverishly wiped them with her hair.

         The room was full of people who unbeknownst to them carried a sin burden no less than her own.  Yet because she recognized her need for salvation, she would be the only one that day to hear, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

         Today you may be challenged to remember the debt of sin for which you have been forgiven and to live your life as a recipient of amazing grace and therefore a giver of grace to others.

          Perhaps you have never acknowledged sin in your life, sin that separates you from God.  God’s word tells us that we “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 1:23, “God demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8 ……and best of all… “Whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans10:13!!!!!